US Congressman’s Family Christmas Card Sparks Twitter Controversy in the Wake of Tennessee School Shooting

The latest school shooting in the USA has claimed the lives of seven people, including three children. Tennessee, and the rest of the world, are in mourning today following this devastating loss of life. As always happens when such tragedies occur, social media erupts into a frenzy of anti-gun vs pro-gun debates. And both sides are louder than ever.

But to make the situation even more inflammatory (as if the deaths of innocent people were not enough), a photograph has been doing the rounds online of US Congressman for Tennessee’s 5^th District, Andy Ogles’, family Christmas card from last year. It depicts Ogles and his family standing around their Christmas tree, smiling proudly, and all brandishing automatic rifles. The only exception is his youngest child, who instead of holding a weapon, is holding a picture of three dancing Santa’s and the word “PEACE.”

This image is disgusting. Pro-gun advocates are sticking to the argument that unless Ogles or one of his family members was the shooter (which they were not), then the picture is not relevant. But oh, how wrong they are…

For a Christmas card like this to even exist, it speaks to a staggering normalisation of gun culture. This family are posing with deadly weapons that are designed to end lives with huge smiles on their faces and have chosen this image to use as their 2022 Christmas card. They are proud to be in possession of these instruments of violence. And as a Congressman, Ogles has set a terrible example which people like the Tennessee shooter have directly followed.

Pro-gun activists on Twitter have been praising Ogles and his family for this image, commenting that he is ensuring his home and family are well-protected, has taught his family gun safety, and even going so far as to suggest this should be the standard norm in the US. These people have completely misunderstood the problem with assault rifles. You can protect your home and your family without an automatic weapon. And no child is safe with an assault rile in their hands, regardless of how much “gun safety” someone has taught them. These are powerful weapons of death. They are not toys. They are not a hobby. And they are not a social status symbol. They are built for one purpose and one purpose alone. To end lives.

Ogles and his family may not have shot anyone. But they are happily promoting a culture of murder and seem to be proud to do so. Until the rest of the US recognises images like this Christmas card photo as being hugely problematic, the gun crisis will continue, and more people will die.

My heart goes out to the victims that lost their lives, their families, those injured, and anyone that witnessed, or has been affected by this tragedy. I continue to hope every day that the US will one day see reason and do the right thing to keep its people safe. Gun Control Now.

Why Support is Everything in Online Businesses

So, firstly, hello everyone. Yes, I know I’ve been a long time. I do have the best intentions of writing here more frequently, but sadly time gets away from me and it just has not been happening. But a recent, I’m sorry to say, negative experience in the online consumer world had prompted me to emerge and have a say.

Now, I’ve been heavily debating whether to name the entity involved. Given my experience has ultimately resulted in me reporting them to the authorities in their own country, my decision has been to refrain from naming them yet, in the hope that justice will be done.

The short version of this story is as follows:

I purchased a game online, something that I have been known to do quite frequently. I had no issues with it at first. But then one day, the game stopped working. The bane of every gamer’s life, a malfunction that seems to have no earthly explanation. After searching forums and trying every possible fix imaginable without success, I finally contacted support.

Initially, they seemed helpful. Asked me to provide a whole bunch of detailed information, which I did. Then swiftly told me they couldn’t help and I needed to follow up with the game developer. I attempted this. But when I could not even get a response from the developer, I got back in touch with the store and asked for a refund. And they refused.

They proceeded to blame me, the developer, and even Microsoft. But nowhere in the course of their blame throwing did they offer any possible reason that any of these other entities were at fault. It was simply them arguing it wasn’t their fault, therefore they had every right to keep my money in line with their “policy.”

Attempting to stay objective, I did some research. And discovered something interesting. The law requires a refund to be granted when requested if a product does not work. This law applies to toasters, cars, televisions, and yes, games. I informed them that if they did not provide me a refund as requested, I would report them. They still refused. So, I did what was necessary.

I do not have an outcome as yet, the matter is still being investigated. But I can’t help comparing this company to other, similar ones, who have been nothing but helpful in the past. I will name Steam, as I have nothing but praise for them. Sure, they might not be able to assist with all technical issues as some things are the domain of game developers. But I’ve only ever found myself needing to ask Steam for a refund once, which they immediately granted. Similar situation to this one, a game didn’t work and nobody could seem to work out why.

Back to my headline. Support is crucial in online business. It doesn’t matter how nice you seem to be in emails, if you aren’t providing genuine help, there is no point. I found myself becoming angry at this other business for their “niceness” in emails when they were basically telling me to go away and they were keeping my money and it was just too bad. Fake courtesy is worse than overt rudeness. And nowhere is this truer than in the online world where text-based communication is the norm.

If you run your business online, you need to make damn sure you have a strong, dedicated support team. You need to ensure your policies are designed to help your customers. If you fail in these areas, it doesn’t matter what exclusives you can offer, how flashy your product is, or how fancy your website, you will lose business.

I’m a massive gamer. I’ve purchased one game through this company and will never use them again. Compared to my Steam library which has almost 200 games and continues to grow. Why? Because Steam cares. Their support is real. And that’s why they will be getting more of my money in future, not this other company.

To Jab or Not to Jab, that is the Question

I should start this post by telling you all that I am not an anti-vaccer in any way, shape or form. I fully support vaccinations and encourage people to get them. My view is that if the medical technology exists to protect us from nasty illnesses, why not embrace it? Why risk becoming sick and potentially dying from an entirely preventable disease?

I should also tell you all that I have received both doses of the Pfizer vaccine. And while the second dose was admittedly a little rough, seeing me needing to take half a day off work and have an extremely restful weekend, I suffered no adverse effects.

With that in mind, you are probably expecting me to write that everybody should get vaccinated against covid. That I fully support the government lifting restrictions for vaccinated people before unvaccinated people. Thing is it’s not that simple…

Yes, I do believe that all eligible people should get the covid vaccine. I am enraged by the misinformation being spread about the dangers of these vaccines as these lies are costing people their lives and seeing this pandemic prolonged. The needless fear being cast into people by those who share untrue and dangerous comments and yes, I’ll say it, fake news, is infuriating.

But here’s why it’s not so simple. The vaccines do not stop you from getting covid. Yes, they decrease your chances of getting it. Yes, they are highly likely to prevent you dying from covid if you do catch it. But letting vaccinated people roam freely is a premature and foolish move. Because these people can still catch and spread covid.

While the government should incentivise people to get vaccinated, I do not believe this is the way to do it. Because it will not solve the pandemic problem. It will still run the risk of the virus spreading and throw more conflict into the minds of people who are already uncertain on whether to get the vaccine or not.

Some people will not even be permitted to do their jobs without getting the vaccine. Now I do acknowledge that some occupations have had similar rules in place even pre-covid (nursing and childcare for example), but people go into those jobs knowing ahead of time that certain vaccinations are a requirement. Now people in other industries that previously did not need to give any such thought to getting inoculated, are being forced to or they will lose their jobs. This is not incentivising. This is coercion.

Thus, the question, to jab or not to jab. I got the jab because I chose to. I’m fortunate that I’m not someone who has been felt coerced to do so by an employer. It was my decision and therefore I was comfortable. But even I, a strong pro-vaccer, felt conflicted at first. Because it felt to me like the government in general was being coercive. The commentary about keeping us locked down until a certain number of us had been vaccinated almost sounded like a threat. In truth, I feel much of the messaging from the government around covid has been poor and could have been handled much better from the start.

The government should focus on getting the correct information about vaccines out there. They should focus on making all varieties of the vaccine available to whoever wants it. And they should focus on continuing research into these vaccines to ensure ongoing safety and if even more improved versions can be developed.

Should you get the jab? Absolutely. But do it for yourself. For your family. For your loved ones. And to help get this pandemic under control. Don’t do it because I, or the government or anyone else tells you to. Do it for you.

How I Found Random Wisdom on Instagram

I’m a huge fan of @crimebydesign on Instagram. Their content is consistently awesome and every so often they throw out a quote that just hits me in all the right ways. The other day, they posted this:

“Work so hard that people’s biggest flex is that they used to know you.”

It brought an instant grin to my face, my head nodding at the truth of it. I loved it. It’s rare that a random quote on social media has me so physically reacting with enthusiasm that way. But it hit me hard, in a very good way, and I think I know why.

I’ve had a rough time in lock down. Like many others, I’ve found that even the little things have become a struggle. Sensitivity has been up, I’d been drinking more, not eating right, failing in exercise and feeling my anxiety spiral way out of control. I’m finally getting myself into a healthier frame of mind lately, and I genuinely believe I saw that quote at the exact right time.

You know how it is. When you’re not feeling great, and someone says something that hits you harder than it should. When your boss or a friend makes a comment that ordinarily you’d shrug off, but in your fragile state, you take to heart and start feeling more down on yourself than you should. But the key for me has been separating what should affect me, from what shouldn’t. And slowly discovering that my strong negative internal reactions to certain comments, events, etc, were not all because of my own poor mental state.

The realisation that some things in your life are just really not okay is a big one. When you start to gain control over your own insecurities and anxieties and see that you need to make some very big changes to be happy, it’s time to take notice of what’s wrong. And then it’s time to start working on fixing things. Which is where I find myself currently.

So, from now on, that’s what I’ll be doing. Working so hard that people’s biggest flex is that they used to know me. And those very few, special people that are dear to me who support me and join me on my journey of hard work, self-improvement, and pursuit of my goals will get to enjoy the biggest flex of all. That they still know me, and get to share in my happy, stable, positive life.

Why Being Lazy Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary

Who doesn’t love a lazy day? Or for those of us that often find ourselves exceedingly busy, even a lazy few hours can feel like bliss. But often with a little downtime comes guilt. Our seemingly never-ending to do list of life weighs down upon us, making us feel like we are doing something wrong by doing nothing.

We worry we are letting other people down, that we are falling behind in our work, letting our house get messy. We worry that doing nothing is a negative thing because we aren’t attending to these important matters that drive our every day.

But here’s the thing. You are not doing anything wrong by taking time out. You are not being selfish by being lazy. Believe it or not, you are actually making yourself more productive, happier, and a better person for those around you.

Sounds crazy, right? Well it’s absolutely true. Because we need to rest and recharge. We need to allow our minds and bodies the time and space to break from all of our busy tasks, chores, and being there for others. If we do not take the time to do this, we end up being slower and worse at everything because we exhaust ourselves into not being at our full potential.

Think of a cup. When a cup is full, you can pour from it. When it is empty, you cannot. Think about that again. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

If you don’t allow yourself time to be lazy, to just be, to fully rest all of yourself, you are not allowing your cup to ever refill. You will be trying to give when there is nothing there. So, you NEED to be lazy from time to time, to fill your cup and keep on pouring.

Do it today. Do it every day. Allocate yourself time to be lazy. To do nothing. To be alone and just chill. And don’t feel guilty. Remember this will benefit others, just as much as it will benefit you.

Are You Okay? No, Really?

Recently here in Australia we had “Are You Okay Day.” Now leaving aside there seems to be a national day for just about everything you can think of, this one is important. But has the question itself lost its impact?

Think of all the times you have asked someone if they are okay. How many times did you genuinely mean it? How many times can you honestly say that you wanted the truth? Be honest with yourself. Did you ask because it felt like a social convention, or did you really care if that person was okay? Were you willing to lend your time to them to listen and help?

“Are you okay?” has become such a throw away question these days. We ask it all the time. Sure, we may bear some measure of concern. We may even tell ourselves that we care. But more often than not, our busy lives prevent us from being able to truly give ourselves to that person in need.

In today’s locked down world, most of our communication is remote. We do not get to see each other as we once did. While we do have video chats at our disposal, most of our communication has become increasingly text or voice based. With text becoming the far more common option. It is quick, it is easy, and it allows us to communicate with multiple people at once without any of them being any the wiser.

And therein lies the problem. If you are texting or messaging multiple people and find yourself asking one of them “are you okay?” you are going into that conversation half-assed. Unless you are prepared to put your other chats on hold and really BE THERE for that person in need, you are wasting your time even asking about their well-being. And worse, you are wasting theirs. Because you are depriving them of the opportunity to potentially speak to someone who is willing to give them 100% of their time to really listen and really care.

We are all busy. And we do all want the best for those we care about. But be mindful of asking the “are you okay?” question as a habitual query. Because asking that question is more than just asking a question. It is an offer of support. Please do not put it out there unless that offer is a genuine one.

And check in with yourself. Ask YOURSELF, “are you okay?” And make sure you really listen to your own answer.

You Are Responsible for Your Own Happiness… Right?

It’s a saying that gets thrown around endlessly. Popular in memes and inspirational quotes on social media, common mantra of self-help advocates. The notion that you can simply “choose” to be happy is lovely. That you can somehow magically decide to remain unaffected by any hurt people or situations sling your way. But how accurate is this?

Firstly, it depends on what you classify as “happiness.” If to you, happiness means waking up every day with a smile and an eager zest for life, certain that your day will be wonderful, then you are very different from those who view happiness as successfully getting through a day without breaking down into tears.

Point is happiness is relative. It is not the same thing to all people. Some will not settle for less than unrestrained joy in their every day, while others will have a far lower threshold.

Secondly, it depends on whether you consider happiness to be a more or less permanent state, or a particular mood that is subject to change. A person can consider themselves to be generally happy, yet still be floored by receiving devastating news. Informing someone who has just suffered a tragic bereavement that they are responsible for their own happiness is cruel, not kind.

The point here is that happiness is not a static state. It is subject to change depending on factors that can be out of our control. Even the happiest people cannot be happy all of the time because life just does not work that way.

The bad news is that you cannot control how you feel. Emotions are what they are. Happiness, sadness, anger, fear, hurt, jealousy, they will all crop up from time to time for the average person. No matter how happy or secure you think you may be, nobody is immune from that sting of feeling something bad. Something that triggers you to feel a certain way.

The good news is that you can always control your behaviour. I’ll say that again. You can ALWAYS control your behaviour. No matter how angry you get, you can always control whether you become violent. And no matter how sad you get; you can always control whether you allow it to take over your life.

I need to state here that I am talking about standard emotions arising in mentally healthy people. Some people with mental illness do have less measure of control over their actions at times. Note here, I said “some” and only “at times.” One day I’ll drop a post on my opinion of the DSM-5 and you’ll see my views on its use as a diagnostic tool that labels people and offers excuses for terrible behaviour. But that’s a separate issue…

If you find yourself feeling unhappy, you need to ask yourself “why.” Are you generally unhappy? Or has something just happened which is prompting you to feel this way? If you are generally unhappy, then chances are you need to make changes in your life. If something has happened triggering a response of unhappiness, then simply move away from it. No, I am not saying run from everything that makes you unhappy. I am simply saying that if social media is dragging down your mood, log off. If a particular song is upsetting you, skip it. If a person in your life is making you unhappy, speak to them about it. Or distance yourself if needed.

The short answer is you are not responsible for what you feel. But you are responsible for controlling your environment to the best of your ability to increase your happiness. Do not knowingly expose yourself to hurtful stimuli. Do not put up with toxic people in your life. And do not let anyone dictate what your happiness should mean to you.

So, let’s all make our lives happier by controlling what we can. We got this, guys.

Anxiety and Escaping My Silent Prison

Let me just say upfront that I am not making this post to garner sympathy. Far from it. Sympathy and pity feel like poison to my usually steadfastly resilient soul. No, the purpose of this post is to shine a light on a darkness. To normalise. To give a name to the pain. And to stop hiding myself away in isolation.

Anxiety sucks. How’s that for the glorious eloquence of a professional writer? But it is an apt and accurate commentary on my feelings on this illness. I have lived with anxiety for most of my adult life. But it has usually been in the background. A sort of lingering passenger on my life’s journey. The source of productive stress, which led to motivation. A motivation which has seen me achieve me many things.

But when the anxiety takes over… when it ceases to be a passenger and takes the wheel… when it is no longer a silent partner in life spurring you towards progress and helping you set and attain goals… it becomes an unbearable feeling.

My rational mind knows that I am not stupid. It knows that I am skilled in some areas. It knows I am attractive. It knows I am a good person. It knows I am worthy of respect, kindness and joy.

My anxiety convinces me that I am stupid. That I am useless at everything. That I am ugly. That I must be a bad person or why else would bad things happen? That I am not worthy of anyone’s time or attention, much less their respect or kindness. And that joy will be forever out of my reach.

My anxiety has caused me to withdraw from everything. I have kept working, but it has been begrudgingly. Jobs that I once loved have become a chore where I constantly feel like I am performing poorly and failing at every step. I have kept writing but hated every word I’ve put down. Feeling like I am a terrible writer, not worthy of ever being read.

I’ve been slack with basic life tasks. Cleaning, gardening, all those little things that used to bring me such a sense of pride. My anxiety told me these were insurmountable tasks and that doing them was pointless anyway. That it was far more productive to spend my time drinking, wasting time watching Netflix or gaming, anything to fill my mind with nonsense until it was time to try and sleep again.

I’ve been distant with family and friends. Absent on social media. Hiding away as I feel like I, the REAL me, should be alone. Not wanting to inflict my constant fears and steadily growing self-loathing onto others. I’ve lied to people. Told them I am okay, fine, just kicking along doing my thing. When the truth is I have been far from it. My anxiety has lied to me and then made me lie to others.

I have tried so hard to fight this alone. To battle my anxious mind. Mindfulness. Breathing. Exercise. Healthy eating. I have even been seeing a psychologist regularly for the past six months. I have fought and fought against taking medication, as I felt this was a weakness. That if I reached the stage where I needed to take pills just to feel normal, it would mean I had failed.

As I write this, I am five days sober. For… I’ve truthfully lost count how many times I have previously achieved this milestone. As I write this, I am also medicated. I have mixed feelings about this. I’ve always been one that believed the mind could heal itself without psychoactive drugs. But here I sit, two days in since commencing my new medication regime, and this is the first time in as long as I can remember that I have been able to put words down without hating them and hating myself.

I have absolutely no intention of staying on medication forever. I remain determined to fight my anxiety and win. Somehow. But for now, I will not hate myself or judge myself for using these meds as a steppingstone towards becoming myself again. I have hated and judged myself enough over this past year to last two lifetimes. That ends now.

For those of you out there dealing with anxiety, I am with you. You are not alone. Please do not give up. Reach out, seek help, use all the tools available to you to keep fighting your fight. I am absolutely going to kick my anxiety’s ass. And I know you all can too.

Much love,

Harley

Marilyn Manson: The Latest Celeb Accused of Abuse

I could say that nobody saw this coming, but if the subsequent comments are anything to go by, then plenty of people indeed predicted this one. Actress Evan Rachel Wood has taken to Instagram to publicly accuse singer Marilyn Manson of abuse during their former relationship. Her statement was simple and clear, and offered us even more context to some very poignant posts she’d made in the weeks leading up to the revelation.

Since then, others have come forward, not only in support of Wood, but telling very similar stories about alleged abuse from Manson. It took his record label less than 24 hours to drop him in the wake of the accusations.

Wood has previously commented on her experiences of domestic violence and while many surmised that she may have been referring to Manson, this is the first time she has ever directly named him.

What has prompted her to finally name and shame, is not known. What is known, is that a letter was sent by California State Senator Susan Rubio to Acting Attorney-General Monty Wilkinson and FBI Director Christopher Wray less than two weeks ago, informing them of Manson’s allegedly abusive behaviour and encouraging them to investigate.

Manson denied the allegations via his own Instagram, despite a previous comment suggesting his lawyers had encouraged him to avoid saying anything.

While it’s hard to immediately know the “truth” in these kinds of cases, it is pretty obvious that at some point, alleged victims have contacted the authorities to prompt the Senator’s involvement. As encouraging at this is, and certainly lends credence to the victims telling the truth, what’s concerning is the lack of known response to the Senator’s letter. Did Wood feel the need to take this to social media because it’s not being investigated? I hope that is not the case. My hope is that it IS being investigated and this gave her the hope and strength she needed to publicly name him.

It’s impossible for me to write about this without comparing to the recent Armie Hammer accusations. But the two cases are starkly different in how alleged victims have come forward. You can read my previous post on Hammer and that whole situation here.

Whether Manson is innocent or guilty will be a decision for the powers that be to make, should they choose to investigate. Because this alleged abuse has obviously been reported appropriately, to seek a just resolution, and without clear attempts to viciously seek to embarrass and destroy another human being. Due to the actions of the women alleging to be Hammer’s “victims” however (such as deleting evidence, changing versions of stories, intentionally omitting context, and sharing deeply personal information without his consent), it is unlikely any of their accusations will end up as any kind of formal investigation. At least, not one that will provide any helpful answers, anyway.

If Manson committed these horrors, then he needs to admit it and get himself the help he needs to ensure it does not ever happen again. While nothing can change the past, the future can be shaped by decisions made today.