Why I’ve Been Away From Here; And Why I’m Back Now

So, I’ve been quiet on here for a long time now. Which hasn’t been ideal, and I do want to provide an explanation as to why. Over the past eight months, I’ve been on insanely strict lockdowns due to COVID. Now, many of you may be thinking that would have given me lots more time to write here. But writing isn’t just about having the time to do so. It’s about being the in right headspace to get words out.

And during these past eight months, my headspace has not been great. I’m comfortable sharing this with you all because I think we all (and by that, I mean our entire society), needs to be real about mental health. We need to normalise these kinds of challenges. It’s ok to not to be ok and nobody should be shamed for struggling.

I’ve dealt with being locked down in some very unhealthy ways. Excessive alcohol use became a daily feature of my life. I stopped exercising. I stopped paying attention to what I was eating. My entire life became nothing but work, drinking, and gaming. These were my escapes, my ways of coping with not being able to see any friends or family. Not being able to leave my house without an essential reason and being required to wear a mask when doing so.

This lockdown has been harder on me than I expected. I thought I’d be all right. That seeing people over Skype would be almost as good as in person. That I’d find healthy ways to deal with the isolation. And at first, I was great. Working out every day, eating healthy, practicing my mindfulness. I can’t pinpoint when the shift happened. It wasn’t any one thing that led me back down that dark, negative path. It was gradual. Slow. But brutal.

I don’t want anyone to take this post as me slamming the lockdowns. That’s not the point of this piece. The point of this piece is that we can’t control what happens to us. But we can always control how we respond to and deal with it. Things happen, life throws us bad stuff. But it’s up to each and every one of us to take care of ourselves as best as we can, physically and mentally.

I’m happy to report that I’ve been making positive changes to get myself back to being me again. At least, the version of me that I want to be. I’m exercising every day and eating better. The booze, well, that’s still very much a work in progress. I’m under no illusions that this will take some time. But self-improvement isn’t something you ever stop doing. We are all a work in progress, and we can all get better.

On that note, I am making a pledge to be more active on this blog. I created this as a free space for all the random and sometimes slightly crazy thoughts in my head, and I haven’t been using it enough. It’s not about venting, it’s about expressing. Sharing. And communicating. Keeping things inside isn’t healthy and I’m lucky to have this forum to say basically whatever I want. So, I’ll be taking full advantage of that from now on.

I hope you are all doing well, or as well as you can be, wherever you are in the world. Please take care of yourselves, and your loved ones. Every day brings you another chance to do something to yourself better and get you closer to the version of you that you’ve always wanted to be. Don’t waste it.

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